haha, i can't decideeeeeeeeeeeeee! >.<

what would you do? =p

it's really weird... cos i wanted this so much, and thought about it so much..... and when it's actually possible, i'm thinking twice.

the very reason why i wanted this... is now the very reason why i'm afraid.

i'm torn. a part of me really wants to go back this april, yet a part of me is just so reluctant cos i'm dreading the very thing that made me so homesick in the 1st place!

LOLx. ironic huh? *sigh* haha, i don't like making decisions like these.. and time's running out as well.

*tee hee* worst come to worst, i'd just let it pass. (:

back from camp. better blog b4 i forget. =p

well.... it was a camp very much different than any other. The theme was "GET REAL!" cool eh?

I realize it's really much easier said than done. that at times... i would very much rather pretend & smile than to let others know what i really feel.

LOLx. yeah.. & i realise that i really am bad at group work. so much better working alone. or rather, i always feel sesat when it comes to big group. my experience with my camp group? haha, to be honest, wasn't that pleasant. not that it was anyone's fault.... haha, don't think anyone realise it anyways.

*bleh* i feel weird tho.. haha, the camp was suppose to be about being REAL... but at that time, for me it was just a plastered smile. it was just a fake reply of OK, even though all i really wanted to do was dissappear into thin air. ok, haha, fine, maybe i was just feeling emo at that time... but it really wasn't about not getting a part... it was more on how he reacted... it was as if i didn't even existed, as if i didn't have feelings.

haha, yah.. no one knows bout it. =p sorry God, i lied. i said i was okay, when i wasn't. i said there was dust in my eyes, when it was actually tears. but sometimes i really do wonder why? ... when i wanna give it a try, when i'm actually willing to give it a shot, *bam*... something just shoots me down just like that. yeh.. maybe i'm just meant to be a shadow like what i do best. (:

btw, enough *emo-ness... the thing is, despite the minor rejection i may have felt at camp, I've been blessed tremendously by this camp! really! God really spoke! loud & clear! every single message spoken throughout the 5 days, just hit all the right buttons. ok... i've actually been denying it all awhile... the truth is I REALLY DON'T WANT TO GO PERTH! i really don't...

but i know i gotta commit that decision to GOD. haha, but i'm scared if He'll ask me to go there. i REALLY REALLY DON'T WANT!! but He has really re-assured me.

mian!! i have so many things to say!!!!!!!!! i have so many things to say bout camp!!!!!!! hahah. =) about God's greatness, His goodness, His awesomeness!!!

eyes have truly been opened thru this church camp. perspective changed & experience life-changing! the people there are really nice! hahaha, *tabik the camp committee for organising this camp... must be really hard work & super tiring!!! i wish i had more guts... hahaha, too much a penakut to do so many things and sometimes i just let my chances pass me by. I need more courage!! Need to be more initiative!

break my heart for what break yours. i love that line. sometimes i have so much to say, i really don't know where to start... i end up babling.. haha, and jumping from one topic to another like what i'm doing now. the thing is.. i get so tongue-tied when i comes to speaking publicly!!! LORD, only u know me without me having to say a single word.

indeed divine appointment.. that trip to the old folks home. the talk with the lady. *God remembers every thing you say to Him even though you may not* just like what James shared....

I mean it Lord. Just promise me you'll give me strength & wisdom to get through the hard times. Just promise me that you'll never let me go no matter what happens. Just promise me that you will always be right beside me holding my hard & walking beside me. change me heart... change this reluctancy... lead me, I will follow.

Thank you Lord for an awesome time at camp. Thank you for the friends & bros & sis-in-christ that constantly remind me of your love. Thank you for your faithfulness even at times when i'm not faithful. Thank you for being such a REAL & LIVING GOD. Love you loads. (: *hugz*

haha, new xanga blog!! whoo hoo!! LOLx. so blur la.. dunno how to use also... >.<

neways, saje spamming the 1st post.. see how it turns out yea! =)